I guess it could be called food, if you take the broadest sense of the word. You know what I’m on about; Oscar Mayer Fast Franks (pre-prepared hot dogs in a bun). And its brethren – generally anything you can buy in the frozen food aisle. Snap frozen cheeseburgers. Snap frozen chicken subs. It’s food in the same way that having a job with the government can be called working. No one works for the Government, they “work?” for the Government. Ham & pork flavoured knob (seen in my local supermarket’s meat aisle on Saturday morning) is “food?” not food.
I’m not on much of a foodie crusade here. But (work with me here), I fail to see how anyone can come up with some of the “food?” concepts I have seen. Let’s take my favourite, Jimmy Dean’s Pancake & Sausage on a Stick with choc-chip. Who, in their right mind came up with such a gastronomic travesty?
Hmm…sausages are boring. I know, I’ll wrap it in pancake batter.
But it’s lacking something. I know, choc-chips!
But, hmm, how can I eat this without cutlery? A STICK! EUREKA!! And, I’ll be able to eat this tasty piece of Frankenstein food with my left hand and, in my right hand, hold this stick of butter wrapped in a Belgian waffle!
Good grief, what’s next; nuts & gum in a can?
I have some rules when it comes to food. I tend to keep odd hours and with my activity levels, I need food that’s quick and nutritious. Notice how “tasty” isn’t one of my requirements. My needs are as follows:
1. High protein, medium carb, low fat.
2. Three or less ingredients.
3. Cook in one pan or less.
4. In less than five minutes.
5. Able to be eaten off a medium sized plate or bowl.
6. In less than five minutes.
7. Requires eating with a fork or a spoon, but not both. And never a knife.
8. Of a consistency such that, if my plate/bowl tilts, there won’t be a great mess to clean up. It’s why my oatmeal is the consistency of gap filler.
All that being said, it’s not surprising I live off scrambled egg whites, fat free dairy products, protein shakes and bananas. The last two have the additional bonus of being able to be eaten in a car without leaving a mess.
I’m not on much of a foodie crusade here. But (work with me here), I fail to see how anyone can come up with some of the “food?” concepts I have seen. Let’s take my favourite, Jimmy Dean’s Pancake & Sausage on a Stick with choc-chip. Who, in their right mind came up with such a gastronomic travesty?Hmm…sausages are boring. I know, I’ll wrap it in pancake batter.
But it’s lacking something. I know, choc-chips!
But, hmm, how can I eat this without cutlery? A STICK! EUREKA!! And, I’ll be able to eat this tasty piece of Frankenstein food with my left hand and, in my right hand, hold this stick of butter wrapped in a Belgian waffle!
Good grief, what’s next; nuts & gum in a can?
I have some rules when it comes to food. I tend to keep odd hours and with my activity levels, I need food that’s quick and nutritious. Notice how “tasty” isn’t one of my requirements. My needs are as follows:
1. High protein, medium carb, low fat.
2. Three or less ingredients.
3. Cook in one pan or less.
4. In less than five minutes.
5. Able to be eaten off a medium sized plate or bowl.
6. In less than five minutes.
7. Requires eating with a fork or a spoon, but not both. And never a knife.
8. Of a consistency such that, if my plate/bowl tilts, there won’t be a great mess to clean up. It’s why my oatmeal is the consistency of gap filler.
All that being said, it’s not surprising I live off scrambled egg whites, fat free dairy products, protein shakes and bananas. The last two have the additional bonus of being able to be eaten in a car without leaving a mess.
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